There used to be this guy in my homeroom who was really good at tutoring me in math in a way I could actually understand. So I used to go to him for every self-study session. He left our school last year but is still in contact with many of our mutual friends.

In my last, post, I talked about my day out with one of my good friends. For some reason, she likes telling me about her conversations with this guy. From her contact with him after he left, turns out he is actually a douche bag with a sky-high ego. It’s really amazing how wrong you can be about a person. He seemed like, I don’t know, the cute nerd type you know? Anyway, I was never interested in him that way so it was so entertaining to hear the things he says. The day before, he and my friend and dinner which means more monologue entertainment. My friend filled me in on everything that happened. It was funny but I could not figure out why she was telling me all of it until she said the conversation turned to me. I can’t remember how but it did. I’ll cut all the preamble. What basically happened was he thinks I’m cute and also that with his “superior looks” and “charm” and my “easy-going” nature, he could “get me”, no sweat. I don’t know if I’ve ever felt more insulted. Then it got me thinking. Aside from the fact the guy thinks he’s God’s gift to earth (he’s not even that attractive though), do I lead guys on? Here’s the thing: I have a lot of guy friends and I’m really comfortable around them, a few in particular. With the guys who I consider as my friends with no potential to be nothing more, I never think before speaking. In contrast, with a guy I actually like, I’d be more distant and cold. I’m not playing hard to get by any means- I’m just shy like that. 

I had this really good guy friend who moved back to Canada (we still keep in touch via MSN though). All of our friends were sort of a group so we’d hang out a lot on the weekends and such. We’d also talk in classes we had together and chat on MSN. But when he asked me out, it took me completely by surprise. I refused and hoped things would go back to normal. For a while, it seemed as though it did until he asked me out again. It seemed as though he didn’t get the message. Was it my fault to have continued our friendship in the same way? Was I sending mixed signals? Sometimes, I feel like with boys, I’m playing with fire. In some ways, it is just as exhausting to be friends with guys as it is with girls.